One hundred, eleven days, since I last posted anything. Nice track record for someone who usually was on top of it.
But honestly, I’ve had nothing to talk about, nothing really to say. I’ve been mad, depressed, angered, sad and many other emotions primarily due to my training.
It’s amazing how many other things are going right in my life, but its the training that is sucking it all away. My photography is taking off, my family is doing well, I was involved pretty heavily with some theater stuff over the last two months. But now that’s done and I’m back to trying to get regular training in. I tried for the 3rd year in a row to work with a coach, and constantly just felt like I was falling below their expectations. I just wasn’t running where I felt I should be, and all the blame lies squarely with me.
So for the second year in a row, I decided to let go of my coach.
And it sucks.
Because the reality is, I need a coach, I need someone to chirp in my ear and tell me to get my butt in gear. But mentally I’ve just been struggling and falling apart.
For 7 months.
I honestly believe that Oil Creek killed me. Part of me died out there.
I have struggled to get back into any semblance of rhythm and feel like I just keep back peddling in shallow water, never really going anywhere.
But I just keep turning page after page, hoping that the new page is the right one. Time to break out the stubborn stupid stick and just move forward.
I also need to fund someone to run with more consistently. My running partner moved away and my runs have been quiet. I throw on music to drown everything out, I try to go on runs with people, but its not the same. There was something about running with them that helped me connect to what I was doing.
So in short, I’m missing something. I’m still trying to find it. Hope I find it soon.
Before I fall off a cliff.
For now, its about taking each day at a time. Focus on that day’s run. I have the confidence that I can get thru whatever I want to, its just being able to show up for that day.
I have been doing several photography related things lately, head on over and check it out www.rhjr.me